The Right Way to Break up with Your Girlfriend
Breaking up with your girlfriend is one of the most difficult things you have to learn to do as a young man. Dating is hard enough without having to worry about hurting someone that you care about, right? Still, it is something that you are almost guaranteed to go through some point if you are actively dating. When the time comes that you are no longer wanting to date your girlfriend, how do you go about letting her know? How can you spare her feelings and still make the break that is needed? Here are some tips and tricks based on years of experience from several sources:
Be Decisive and Final
Although it seems like you are being harsh, the worst thing that you can do in a relationship is wishy-washy. You need to be firm, direct and to the point. Once you have committed to breaking up, there should be no slow and painful death to the relationship. Don't sit for coffee, talk on the phone or spend time discussing why it went wrong. These things will all cause further damage to both you and her and will only draw out the pain. Make sure it is what you want before you do it, but once it's done make it final.
Allow Her to Be Angry
In most scenarios, she is going to feel angry towards you. It may not be right away, but you can be pretty certain that it will be coming. Breaking up with anyone is painful because it is telling someone else that you no longer want to be around them in that way. This is difficult on many levels, but because it is so personal it will incite anger. When the time comes that she is angry with you, allow her to be angry without reaction. If you allow her to get you angry, a senseless fight will ensue. Instead, gently listen for specified period of time and excuse yourself from the situation if it becomes too heated.
Be Sensitive about Where You Do It
Don't be a jerk and break up with her in a highly public place. It is a good idea to make sure that she is not alone when it happens, however. Perhaps you could wait and do it at her home where she will have a support group in place. If not, maybe you could do it while her friend is nearby. I even knew one guy who did it after notifying her best friend first. This, however, is a dangerous proposition and can get you into a far more trouble with most women. The fact that their girlfriend knows before them is usually a big problem.
Be Sensitive about When You Do It
Just like it is important to pay attention to where you are, you also have to pay attention to when it is. Breaking up with a girl on her birthday, for example, might not be a great idea. Breaking up with a girl on Valentine's Day is another huge mistake. In fact, holidays of all kinds are dangerous. Then you have to consider dates that are important to your relationship. Anniversary dates can be a killer here. While you might have trouble keeping up with your one-year anniversary, some girls will count anniversaries every week and month. This leaves a very small window for us guys to actually break up with them. I say this in a joking manner, but there is a lot of truth to it. Be very sensitive about when it happens. Friday nights are good because they have the weekend to recover before school starts if needed.
Realize That They May Want to Break up with You Also
Many boys go into a breakup situation arrogantly and find themselves looking like a fool. In a relationship where you are considering breaking up with her, there is at least a decent chance that she is not happy as well. Go ahead and prepare for this. Getting hit by this out of the blue can cause you to react defensively and completely lose your focus. Don't look at things like this as a personal affront because they might just feel the same way you do. Sometimes a boy and girl are not meant to be together.
No Matter How Much She Begs, Keep it General
Why? You can be almost certain that she will ask this question over and over and your answer will probably help to determine how hard this is for her. Although they may seem like they really want to know, telling them the dirty details of why you are wanting to break up will do absolutely no good for anyone. Have her some basic answers prepared that are very general in nature. Examples of these are:
We just aren't compatible.
I just want to date other people.
I want to take a break from dating just one person.
We have just grown apart.
Yes, these are all general lines. Yes, they stink. Still, these lines and others were created from the ashes of millions of men and women that told the truth. When you are breaking up with someone, the last thing you need to do is give them a laundry list of all the things that you didn't like about them. It is cruel and unnecessary, no matter what anyone else says about it. Exploring your feelings is important and should be done openly and honestly… But not when you're breaking up. Wait and let the time pass before you have that discussion. It won't take long before you will realize that you no longer need to have it.
The first time that you have to break up with a girl, it will hurt like crazy. If you had any real feelings for her at all, it will feel like you're losing your best friend. Keep in mind that it is even harder for her, and her feeling should be top of mind. Think of her and her feelings first, and that is the best that you can do for her. Make a clean break and leave her alone. You both will be better off for it in the long grind of dating.